


Fireworks

by dwaekki



Series: Light Me Up [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 05:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18543136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwaekki/pseuds/dwaekki
Summary: Seungmin and Hyunjin move into a tiny studio apartment for the new semester. Hyunjin thinks it's a test of friendship, while Seungmin thinks it's a test of how long he can continue hiding his long-standing crush on his best friend.





	Fireworks

“What do you think about this one?”

Seungmin and Hyunjin were seated beside each other inside an empty cafe, newly-opened within the neighborhood they both grew up in. In front of them  was Seungmin’s laptop, flanked on each side by a couple of almost-empty coffee mugs, and a saucer with a half-eaten crab stick sandwich that was way too savory for both of their liking. They had been there for more or less three hours, with no sign of them achieving their goal for being there anytime soon. They didn’t realize until then that looking for a studio apartment for two university students in Seoul could be so hard.

Hyunjin slid closer to get a better view of the apartment being displayed on Seungmin’s screen. He casually wrapped one arm around Seungmin’s and rested his chin on Seungmin’s shoulder. 

“Hm, haven’t we browsed that one before, though?” Hyunjin mumbled sleepily. 

Seungmin could feel Hyunjin’s warm breath against his ear, which warmed his cheeks up in a way that would put the late August weather to shame. This prompted Seungmin to  quickly lean back against the wall. His shoulders were tired from being hunched over his laptop over the past three hours, and more importantly, Hyunjin was being Hyunjin: he was being too close for comfort, and Seungmin needed to discreetly put a bit of distance between them. 

“What…” was all he could mumble in return, unsure of what exactly was going on in his  _ own _ mind. Seungmin could make out a  frantic voice in his head saying,  _ Don’t look _ , so he kept his eyes glued to the screen, as fatigued and dry they already were, and as much of a sight for tired eyes Hyunjin was. 

Much to Seungmin’s relief, Hyunjin leaned closer towards the screen a second or so later, widening the distance between them by a few more centimeters. It wasn’t much, but any sort of physical distance between them was something Seungmin would be grateful for. 

“Yeah, we’ve added this to our shortlist already,” Hyunjin confirmed after a second of browsing through the set of photos of the apartment. “If it’s caught your attention twice, that must mean it’s good, no?” From the corner of his eye, Seungmin could see that Hyunjin turned his head to look at him. Seungmin summoned all the resolve he had in him to keep his gaze at where it was. He couldn’t turn away; Hyunjin would notice that and think there’s something wrong, he knew.

“I suppose,” he answered. “I’ll call the number on the listing first thing tomorrow.”

Hyunjin leaned back into the wall with a sigh, and leaned his head on Seungmin’s shoulder this time. “I think we’ve looked at enough places for now. How many do we have on the shortlist?”

“Two,” Seungmin answered with an exasperated sigh. “Better than none, I guess. I mean, we filtered the search results by security deposit amount and… there aren't a lot of better choices.” 

“I’ll call the other one tomorrow,” Hyunjin offered,  _ finally _ letting go of Seungmin’s arm to reach out for one of the mugs on the table.

Seungmin nodded, only then deciding it was  _ safe _ to look at Hyunjin now. Or at least partially so. Something about the sight of Hyunjin’s shoulders always made Seungmin’s heart skip a beat or two. “Tomorrow. I’ve had enough for today.”

Hyunjin didn’t respond to that, and only thoughtfully sipped on the little that remained of his now-lukewarm coffee. All of a sudden, he turned his gaze back towards Seungmin. Instead of the sleepy, tired look Seungmin had noticed from earlier, though, there was a faint hint of worry in his eyes, with his brows knit together. He was sure Hyunjin was trying not to show it, but Seungmin hadn’t known him for more than ten years for nothing.

“What’s the matter?” Seungmin asked, gently trying to prod out of Hyunjin the reason for the concerned look.

Hyunjin let out a sigh. “Is it really going to be OK? Us rooming together?”

“What are you worrying about?” Seungmin asked and leaned a little closer towards Hyunjin, but only slightly. He remained conscious of keeping distance.

“I’ve had people tell me that rooming with their best friend was the worst decision they’ve made in their lives…” Hyunjin slowly answered, as if he was admitting to a terrible crime, five years after the fact. “Like, it’s best to room with a friend of a friend, or something.”

Seungmin frowned, though, truthfully, he had received the same kind of advice from his friends in university as well. He felt like he knew what Hyunjin was about to say, but he knew better than to act dismissive of Hyunjin’s concerns.  “Oh? What do they say?” he asked instead, raising an eyebrow.

“That we’re going to end up as sworn enemies by the end of the semester.” There was a soft, but unnatural chuckle in Hyunjin’s voice. “One will exploit the arrangement, like they’ll freeload and all that, because they’ll think it’s okay because you’re best friends, they said, or you’ll find a whole new set of things you can’t agree upon…” He trailed off and stared into space.

Seungmin felt that Hyunjin was trying to appear incredulous, but was failing at hiding his worries miserably. It was Seungmin who found the advice Hyunjin had been given ridiculous, though. Hyunjin was far too nice to be exploitative or be selfish with anyone. He knew, if anything, Hyunjin would be the one taken advantage of. Seungmin, on the other hand, knew he wasn’t the most agreeable or pleasant person on the planet, and if someone tried to one-up him in any situation, he will call them out or give them a taste of their own medicine. With Hyunjin, though, that would be impossible. Seungmin cared about Hyunjin far too much to treat Hyunjin terribly in the slightest. It was easy to imagine it not working out between a different pair of people, even friends who’d known each other longer, but not the two of them. 

Logistically, it also made sense for them to room together. The universities they went to were just one subway stop away from each other. If one was in the mood and the weather was right, the distance could even be walked. The two of them rooming together would be perfect, and was obviously the better choice over the previous arrangement they’d had. For the first semester, Seungmin stayed with his aunt’s family who lived in a district that was just a quick bus ride from his university. His aunt agreed he could stay there as long as his parents paid a minimal contribution towards household expenses. While he liked his aunt, though, she asked him to act as a babysitter and an after-school math tutor for his insufferable little cousins. Seungmin couldn’t refuse out  of owing his aunt the roof over his head, but in reality, there wasn’t a day where he didn’t want to tear his hair out. 

Hyunjin, meanwhile, lived with his grandmother in an eastern district of Seoul, which, while wasn’t as far away as their neighborhood in Gyeonggi-do, was still an hour away by subway from the district their universities were in. Hyunjin, as close as he was to his grandmother, still thought he could use staying in a place closer to campus. And besides, he had told Seungmin, his grandmother taking care of him at her age made him feel guilty.

There was, however, one tiny catch: Seungmin’s had a big fat crush on Hyunjin for years.

_ A big fat crush _ may be an overstatement, but Seungmin wasn’t sure how else to call the entire fireworks show that would commence inside him whenever Hyunjin would rest his head on Seungmin’s shoulder, or when he’d laugh probably a little too much at the smallest sarcastic remark Seungmin would make about someone who’s just annoyed him. It was the only explanation Seungmin could come up with for how he found himself unable to say no to Hyunjin  everytime the edges of the latter’s lips would curl up to form even the faintest smile. And with them rooming together, he had no idea of how he could stay sane trying to contain those feelings 24/7.

Seungmin couldn’t very well let Hyunjn know he had such a concern, so he pushed his own thoughts out of his mind and focused on the one Hyunjin had brought forward. He pursed his lips while he weighed which words he could use to let Hyunjin feel that while his concerns were valid, there was no need for him to worry. “The fact we’re conscious that there could be trouble means we’re managing our expectations of how this whole thing’s gonna turn out already. And managing expectations is always a good thing. Let’s just both be careful. And honest.” With the last part, Seungmin found himself taking a deep breath, realizing how ironic it was for him to say that when he was already harboring a secret. 

That didn’t seem to quell Hyunjin’s fears. The frown on his face only deepened. “You think so?” 

It took all of Seungmin not to extend a hand and place a hand against one of Hyunjin’s cheeks to reassure him. All he could let himself do was let out a soft chuckle. “We’ll be fine,” he reassured Hyunjin with a brief, wan smile, just as much as he reassured himself.

\----

“We requested for twin mattresses,” Seungmin reiterated to the real estate agent, in distinctly polite speech, but with an edge that would have been considered impertinent to an older person by a lot of people already. “The landlady  _ said _ she could provide them.”

“I’m so sorry,” the real estate agent apologized with a strained smile despite that. “She had to go out of the country on short notice and couldn’t take care of the matter in time.” She then gestured to the double-sized mattress on the floor. “Won’t this suffice for, say, the next two weeks? It’s brand new. And she left a set of beddings you can use, too.”

It was move-in day, and they were making one last check of the apartment and making sure if all furnishings the landlady promised to provide were present. It was a tiny studio apartment with a small loft neither Hyunijn nor Seungmin could stand straight in for a sleeping area. If the two of them stood side by side with both arms extended, they could both touch the walls. That also meant, though, wouldn’t be much of anything that could go wrong with such a small space, or at least that was what Seungmin thought, until they reached the sleeping area and found that the twin mattresses he had specifically requested for were not there. 

It was the worst thing that could go wrong. Seungmin was very particular about how he kept his bed clean that it was very likely for it to become a point of contention between them. The fact that the landlady didn’t completely come through with her end of the deal was also important. It could be telling of other things that could go wrong throughout their lease period.

“Two weeks?!” Seungmin echoed the real estate agent with an incredulous look on his face. They signed the lease contract two weeks ago. The landlady surely had ample time since then to comply with their request. “She could have just informed us beforehand, at least? So, is there anything else missing from the list we agreed on? Best to tell us  _ now, _ I suppose?”

“Seungminnie…” He felt Hyunjin tug at his wrist. Seungmin turned towards him and found a small, worried frown on his face. There really wasn’t much they could do, and arguing with the real estate agent wasn’t going to solve anything.  _ Don’t shoot the messenger _ , Hyunjin’s gaze seemed to say.

The agent didn’t say anything else, either, and only looked at the two of them, as if waiting for them to say if they had any better ideas. 

Truthfully, they had none, and all Seungmin could do was to let out an exasperated sigh, and look off, then press his lips into a thin line. “Okay, whatever.”

Hyunjin then gave his wrist another tug, but this time he had on a small hopeful smile. “I’ll follow all your bed rules, I promise,” he said in a half-teasing, half-reassuring manner. “Until we get the twin mattresses.”

Seungmin then couldn’t help but let the edges of his mouth curl up slightly, as much as a huge part of him still didn’t think this wasn’t going to work.

“No dirty clothes or socks used outside on the bed- Actually, it’s no going to bed without showering, right? Then sheets must be folded up every morning. Pillowcases must be changed every week. Bed sheets and blankets every two weeks. The mattress protector, every month. As soon as any of these rules are broken, sheets must be changed. Did I miss anything?”

The real estate agent looked at both of them wide-eyed. “That sounds like quite a lot of laundry to be had.”

Seungmin chose to ignore the snarky comment from the agent, and only shook his head at Hyunjin. These were the rules he grew up with, and Hyunjin had been hanging out at their place so often he was familiar with most of them. He had even helped out Seungmin several times to do his chores, changing the sheets included, on times his mother wouldn’t let him leave the house until he finished all his assigned housework.  

“You remembered everything quite well. Also, get up as soon as your morning alarm sounds off. No snoozing. Also, no straying into the other’s side of the bed.”  _ No physical contact _ , Seungmin wanted to really say, but didn’t, unsure how he can explain that. They have had plenty of sleepovers while growing up, but Seungmin actually wasn’t sure if Hyunjin was the type who would stick close while sleeping, since he didn’t use to be so hyper-aware of Hyunjin’s every move until recently.

Hyunjin flashed a sheepish grin. “I’ll try my best.”

“So, it’s all good then?” The real estate spoke up after watching their exchange.

Seungmin turned his gaze back to the real estate agent. “For now,” he sharply emphasized.

The real estate agent seemed to take a step back, as if Seungmin’s answer was an actual knife being pointed at him that he should be afraid of. “Of course. I’ll let the landlady know. So… is there anything else you would want me to take up with her?”

Seungmin turned to Hyunjin, whom he found was looking at him as well, then the both of them shook their heads at the real estate agent. 

“It’s all good for now,” Hyunjin said, a seemingly genuine smile plastered across his face. He started to lead the way down from the loft. “Thank you for coming over.”

Seungmin kept mum, a little unable to believe how  _ nice _ Hyunjin was to the real estate agent. Truth be told, there was no real reason for them to not be nice to the agent, but it was strange how Hyunjin didn’t seem the least bit upset that the matter with the mattress had not been fulfilled as agreed. Seungmin wasn’t really sure how to feel about that or what that meant. 

“It’s been my pleasure,” the agent responded in what came off to Seungmin as the most insincere tone he’d heard from anyone in a while. Seungmin had to ball his fists to keep himself from snapping right back. Hyunjin, though, didn’t seem to feel the same and only chuckled as he moved down from the loft back into the apartment’s main area. Seungmin went after him, then next followed the agent.

“If there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to contact me until the landlady gets back from her trip,” the agent said as he neared the door. “Welcome home, boys.”

“We’ll keep that in mind,” Hyunjin told the agent with a small nod, and opened the door for the agent to exit through. “Have a nice day, too.”

“Same for you. The agent then  stepped with with a small bow of his head as well. With that, she stepped out  and disappeared into the hallway. Hyunjin quietly closed the door behind him, and turned to Seungmin.

“And so it begins,” he said after a deep breath, then leaned back against the door. He looked nervous, and his cheerful countenance from before the agent left seemed to have completely disappeared.

“Don’t be so nervous,” Seungmin told him before he turned towards the two-seater couch in the living area. He felt tired and thought he could sit down for a few minutes before unpacking his clothes. 

As soon as Seungmin plopped on the couch, though, Hyunjin slouched  right beside him and rested his head against Seungmin’s arm. Seungmin slowly turned his gaze towards the wall, pretending that the seemingly fresh coat of paint (it better be a fresh coat of paint or Seungmin was waging war on the landlady) on it was the most interesting thing he had seen in the past couple of years.

“I’m tired,” Hyunjin mumbled with a sigh. Seungmin wondered if Hyunjin closed his eyes, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to look and know. “Can we start unpacking tomorrow?”

“In an hour, I guess,” Seungmin answered, resisting the temptation to say yes. He was tired, as well. He had gone to bed late the night before to finish packing, then woke up early to lug all the stuff he packed out of the house to wait for the moving truck they had hired. Truthfully, he didn’t bring much. He had two weeks’ worth of clothes, several pairs of shoes, a few sets of beddings, a coffee maker, and an air purifier, along with his laptop and other items he needed for school. The apartment already came with a lot of the things they needed. Still, it had been  no joke to load all those into the truck then take them out again, then go back and forth between the ground floor and the fifth floor of the apartment building to haul their stuff into the unit. As much as he wanted to rest, though, the sight of boxes and suitcases occupying most of the little floor space they had unnerved him.

Hyunjin didn’t argue further against that. Seungmin could feel his head move against his arm, so he guessed Hyunjin was scanning the apartment with his eyes. “It’s really tiny, isn’t it? It didn’t feel this tiny when we first looked at it.”

“I guess,” Seungmin looked up. The apartment had a high ceiling, which gave the illusion of being spacious, but with all their belongings stuffed into the space as well, it indeed feel cramped. Seungmin didn’t think it would matter much, though. “I doubt we’ll be spending much time in here anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin asked, with his head moving against Seungmin’s arm again. Seungmin glanced over him, assuming Hyunjin was directing his eyes towards somewhere else, only to learn that Hyunjin was looking directly at him, looking genuinely puzzled. 

Seungmin found himself unable to turn away, but he was at least able to will himself to not look at Hyunjin’s lips. “I think I’ll be in the library, mostly,” he answered flatly. 

“Nerd,” Hyunjin fired back at him in a teasing whisper, then laughed and straightened up in his seat, then sat sideways so he could be facing Seungmin. “I am going to see you more often than I did last semester at least, right, Mr.  _ I’m studying the entire weekend, Hyunjin, I can’t go out _ ?” He ended his sentence with a flat, nasal voice, the one he used when he was imitating Seungmin.

“Shut up,” was all Seungmin replied to that, then stood up from the sofa to head to the boxes and suitcases on the floor in front of them.

Hyunjin only laughed some more. “Hey, I understand you were busy collecting your favorite letter,” he continued to tease. “With plus signs.”

“Whatever, I’m unpacking!” Seungmin declared loudly without looking at Hyunjin. It wasn’t because he didn’t like it when Hyunjin imitated or teased him - that was pretty much standard operating procedure between the two of them - but he didn’t want the two of them to delve deeper into the topic.

The next thing Seungmin knew, Hyunjin was beside him, taking and unopening one of the boxes on the floor. “Seriously, though,” he spoke with a soft groan.  “I wish I could be more like you this semester. My grades last sem were so-so.”

“Oh?” 

“Mostly B’s and a few C’s,” Hyunjin answered, smiling yet looking a little embarrassed.

“That’s not so bad,” Seungmin answered softly, hoping that would make Hyunjin feel better.

Hyunjin responded with a soft scoff. “You say that and yet I’m pretty sure  _ you’ll _ be horrified when you receive grades like those.”

Seungmin couldn’t help but chuckle to that, and that seemed to encourage Hyunjin to go on. “I want to do better. I'm… kinda bothered I did so-so when the previous semester was technically the easiest one we'll have?”

“Well, you have to take into account that you were in a totally new environment and had to adjust to that too,” Seungmin pointed out, hoping Hyunjin wouldn't be so hard on himself.

“All the more I should get better grades this semester,” Hyunjin spoke solemnly, while he unopened yet another box and took out an oven toaster. “And besides, I have to show my parents this arrangement will work, because they’re worried I’ll slack off on studying without a proper adult around.” His tone then changed, and when Seungmin next returned his gaze towards Hyunjin, he found his best friend wearing a cheeky grin. “Then I reminded them you’re one.”

Seungmin widened his eyes at Hyunjin. “So I’m responsible for you now?!”

“Congratulations, my folks trust you more than they trust me,” Hyunjin gave him a playful, sheepish smile.

Seungmin gave Hyunjin a pointed look, though deep inside, he was thinking of how he could ensure that he could commit the smile Hyunjin was giving him to memory. He imagined it would be a nice smile to look at on days everything annoyed him.

Hyunjin then laughed out loud and briefly rested his head on Seungmin’s shoulder. “I’m just kidding. But you know, I really feel like I’ll do better with you around now.”

Despite having the sound of his own heartbeat ringing in his ears, Seungmin gave Hyunjin an incredulous look. “What are you saying, Hwang Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin shrugged and let out another loud laugh. “Nothing, Kim Seungmin!” he barked at Seungmin right back, then turned towards where the sink was. “Mom packed us a set of dishwashing sponges, by the way. Where do you think should I keep it?”

\---

Hyunjin wasn’t wrong to point out that Seungmin often rejected Hyunjin’s invites to hang out on weekends during the previous semester because he had to study. Seungmin wanted to get good grades on his first semester, and at the same time, most of his weekdays got occupied with taking care of his cousins, so weekends were one of the few opportunities for him to read class material in advance. 

That didn’t mean, though, that him and Hyunjin barely seeing each other for months was completely coincidental. Maybe Seungmin did put in a bit of effort to avoid Hyunjin as well. After they finished high school, he told himself it was time to move on, and he should make the most out of no longer seeing Hyunjin every day. As a result, there may or may not have been times when he told Hyunjin he couldn’t hang out because he needed to look after his cousins, even when his aunt and uncle were around and were perfectly capable of doing so without Seungmin. There could also have been instances when he told Hyunjin he needed the entire weekend to lock himself up in his room and study, only to pick up a novel he’s been engrossed with right after texting Hyunjin.

He thought the less he would see of his best friend, the more quickly he’d move on. Only after that, he told himself, could he hang out with Hyunjin normally again.

For a while, it did seem like a sound idea. Towards the end of the semester, Seungmin found himself thinking of Hyunjin less, up to a point that he eventually went on a few of dates with a senior in the same degree program as him. Seungmin didn’t even like that senior at first -- he seemed to have an endless supply of lame and contrived puns he would dole out with his nasal voice at every given opportunity, which Seungmin found infuriating (“I studied  _ econ _ omics because I wanna be cool, like the  _ air-con _ ditioner in the library.”) -- but eventually grew to like. Despite Seungmin giving him hell for the puns, he seemed to become even nicer, and actually sweet and thoughtful. He helped Seungmin out on one particularly difficult calculus problem set, and they started spending more time with each other after that, until the senior asked if they could go on a date. 

The last one of their dates even became a pleasant memory that made Seungmin smile whenever it came to mind: they spent an entire night by themselves at a noraebang laughing and rapping along to every song available from Beenzino’s discography. He thought it wasn’t easy finding someone he can connect with in that regard. Most of the other students around him seemed to define fun as getting piss drunk in a bar or a club, but for Seungmin,  _ this _ was fun, and he felt like finding someone who thought the same was like striking gold.

Never mind, though, that his enjoyment was a little marred by the fact that his mind kept going back to a certain best friend he used to jam to Beenzino with while studying for the entrance exams. And that when the senior initiated a kiss, Seungmin broke off just a mere second in, because the only person he could think of wanting to kiss wasn’t even in the room. 

It was only natural to have lapses, he told himself when he replayed the events in his head hours later, pretending to suddenly be equipped with a degree in psychology. Memory just plays tricks that way. What was important was that he dated someone and enjoyed it, even if it didn’t end up leading to anything more serious. That was a more than sufficient sign that he had moved on, or so he tried to convince himself.

(The senior seemed to had taken what happened in stride. When they talked about it in school the next day, he didn’t press Seungmin for a reason. Instead, he said had fun and while he liked Seungmin a lot, he was actually enlisting in the army in the coming winter, and Seungmin would likely be doing the same in the year after that. Maybe it was only right that the previous night went the way it did, and it will be better for them to just be friends. Seungmin felt his heart sink at the revelation, a part of him still hoped, after all, that things between them could go further, despite what happened the night before.)

That was why when Hyunjin invited him again to hang out at the start of the summer break, Seungmin thought it would be all fine and good, he’d just be seeing his best friend again after a while.  As soon as he set his eyes upon Hyunjin and his warm, sincere grin for the first time in months, though, Seungmin found himself crashing into a gigantic wave of Feelings he thought he had been able to neatly put away and chuck into the trash. Hyunjin, being Hyunjin, pulled Seungmin into a tight hug as soon as Seungmin was within his arms’ reach, and all Seungmin could do was freeze inside Hyunjin’s arms, his concentration turned towards frantically spraying pesticide at the butterflies fluttering wildly inside him. 

Seungmin managed to gather his wits about when Hyunjin pulled away after what seemed like a lifetime. “You act like you haven’t seen me in years,” he scoffed playfully, rolling his eyes as if he hadn’t just miserably failed at an exterminating attempt. “It’s only been a semester, Hwang Hyunjin.”

“It felt like years to me, come on,” Hyunjin laughed out loud at Seungmin’s reaction, then proceeded to wrap an arm around Seungmin’s shoulders, just as he’d always done since he’d grown taller than Seungmin when they were fourteen. “I missed you!”

Seungmin rolled his eyes again, but his lips formed a huge grin sooner than later. “Enough with the drama already.”

Hyunjin only laughed to that and pulled Seungmin closer towards him, almost as if he knew exactly how frustrated his actions made Seungmin feel and that was his way of getting back at Seungmin for appearing dismissive of his show of affection. “Come on, let’s have lunch!”

Over their meal, Hyunjin mostly asked Seungmin questions about how his first semester had gone, and Seungmin answered. At the back of Seungmin mind, he wanted to throw the same questions back at Hyunjin, but the other was looking at him so intently, as if Seungmin was describing a bright and prosperous future waiting for Hyunjin instead of what had been a mostly uneventful first semester in university. And then there was Hyunjin’s wide, open-mouthed grin that had the uncanny ability to shut off parts of Seungmin’s mind off.

That was also why, at the end of their meal, when Hyunjin invited Seungmin to share an apartment with him for the next semester, Seungmin found himself unable to say no.

\----

Seungmin’s classes started earlier in the morning than Hyunjin’s did, so when Hyunjin’s alarm would go off (which is a recording of himself yelling, “HWANG HYUNJIN, WAKE UP!” repeatedly), Seungmin would already be up and about. It had already been a few weeks since they started living together, and not once had Hyunjin kept his promise of getting up as soon as his alarm sounded off. Seungmin would always need to climb back up the loft, and nag Hyunjin to get up. 

“Hyunjin, wake up.”

“It’s been thirty minutes since your alarm went off, wake up.” 

“You’re gonna be late. Your class starts in an hour, doesn’t it?” 

“I need to leave now, get up.” 

Hyunjin would stir everytime Seungmin nagged him to wake up, scrunch his face up, ball his fists and move his arms in circles, which Seungmin couldn’t understand what the point of was, then go back to sleep. They would go back and forth on this several times, until Hyunjin would finally open his eyes and sit up all of a sudden, panicking.

Anyone else would have found it exhausting to go through this every weekday morning, but Seungmin actually found himself unable to help himself but smile on most days. It was…  _ adorable, _ for the lack of a better word. He put on the most exasperated and judgmental frown he could manage as soon as Hyunjin would open his eyes, though. There was no way Seungmin was going to encourage the behavior by letting Hyunjin see him with a fond look on his face. 

“There’s still some coffee in the pot. It won’t stay hot for long,” Seungmin would tell Hyunjin flatly and move down from the loft. 

“Ah, I’m so sorry.” Hyunjin would never fail to apologize, his tone sincerely regretful of the trouble he thought he’d caused. Seungmin knew Hyunjin felt genuinely bad, which all the more made Seungmin hope he can change this habit of his.

“It’s fine,” was all Seungmin would usually say. By then, it would exactly be time for him to leave, so there wouldn’t be room for him to say much else. 

Other than the struggle during the mornings, Hyunjin was actually a good roommate. He followed all of Seungmin’s bed rules and cleaned up after himself. They had drawn up a grocery and housework schedule, and Hyunjin never missed his turn. Sometimes he would come home late, drunk from another night of drinking with his university friends, but Hyunjin would have the mind to not disturb Seungmin up in the loft and would sleep on the two-seater couch in the living area instead. The couch looked uncomfortable to sleep on for Seungmin, so he imagined it was a bit of a sacrifice on Hyunjin’s part to sleep there.

Truthfully, Seungmin didn’t really expect any less of Hyunjin as a roommate. He knew his best friend perfectly fit Seungmin’s idea of a generally good and decent person, or they wouldn’t have become best friends in the first place, and would be too careful to piss anyone off. It was also a little frustrating, though, how too smooth-sailing their arrangement was going. It meant that the only reason the arrangement could be uncomfortable was his own fat crush on Hyunjin, which wasn’t showing any signs of receding.

The mornings were one thing, but the nights were an entire ordeal altogether. Hyunjin seemed to know how to keep to his side of the bed as required on their list of bed rules, but there could only be so much room on a double-sized mattress. Seungmin would wake up in the middle of the night to Hyunjin turning in his sleep and pressing close against Seungmin in the process. It wasn’t anything to fault Hyunjin for, they were both used to having more space to sleep in, but Seungmin couldn’t exactly sleep with his heart beating faster in his chest, and his cheeks all heated up at the unintentional physical contact. Unfortunately, Seungmin’s side of the bed was against the wall, so there really wasn’t much space for him to move away. 

Sometimes, he thought of getting up and moving to the couch, but then he knew told himself that he would lose the little sleepiness he had left if he got up from bed. Truthfully, he couldn’t dare admit to even himself that he actually  _ liked _ it, and that maybe there would be nothing wrong in indulging himself a little. 

This prompted Seungmin to stay out of the apartment as much as possible, though. He would spend his entire day in school, killing time in the library until it's taking all of him to keep his eyes open. He fortunately had a long break in the middle of the day where he could have the apartment to himself for a few hours, but that went mostly to doing his share of the chores. During weekends, he would leave for home to spend the weekend with his parents first thing on Saturday mornings, allegedly to help his older sister with errands for her online business, then take the last train back to Seoul on Sunday nights. Hyunjin also spent most of his weekends in Gyeonggi, but Seungmin managed to form alibis on how he could avoid taking the same train as Hyunjin. Thankfully, his best friend seemed to lap his excuses up. 

He wasn't sure how that was helping, though, for as the weeks wore on, he found himself waking up more often in the night to Hyunjin turning in bed or sleep-talking. Sometimes he couldn’t help but make the grave mistake of turning away from the wall, only to find himself face-to-face with a serene and peaceful looking Hyunjin, whose disheveled hair and slightly parted lips showed under the bit of soft warm light peeking through the curtains of the lone, tiny window in the apartment. Seungmin would then be unable to help but wonder about how it would feel to run his hand through Hyunjin’s locks, or to have his lips brush against his own. 

Then Hyunjin would turn around, and Seungmin would dart back and mentally scream at himself for letting his mind wander in  _ that _ direction again.

\---

It was a Monday early in October, a month into the semester and their rooming arrangement. Seungmin headed back to the apartment on one of his long, midday breaks. It was truthfully, his favorite part of the day, when he could be alone in the apartment to catch up on his share of chores or take a nap after a quick lunch. That day, he was to clean the bathroom, then he hoped to use the rest of his break to catch up on episodes of an American TV show he had missed for a couple of weeks already. 

Instead of being coming back to a quiet and empty apartment, though, Seungmin was greeted by the sight Hyunjin on the couch, sleeping with an open notebook lying on his face. His head lay on the armrest on one end, while his legs dangled haphazardly over the armrest on the other. Seungmin wasn’t sure how to feel. It was always nice to see Hyunjin, and the sight of him was hilarious, but he also felt like his alone time was being trampled upon. There was nothing he could really do, though. Hyunjin had every right to be there whenever he needed to.

Seungmin slipped out of his shoes, then walked over to the couch to double check if Hyunjin was indeed asleep. A few steps away, though, Seungmin could hear Hyunjin softly snoring, and he then found himself unable to resist the the urge to tease a little. He first took a quick snap of Hyunjin with his phone, then crouched beside the sofa and took the notebook off Hyunjin’s face, and found his eyes closed and his mouth hanging wide open.

“Hwang Hyunjin!” Seungmin called out, chuckling, while he took another shot.

When Hyunjin didn’t stir, Seungmin found himself gazing softly at Hyunjin, and then suddenly felt the urge to gently run his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair, which was followed by the urge to scamper away from the couch and go as far from Hyunjin as possible. Seungmin fought both down. He wasn’t sure if Hyunjin had intended to sleep, but with how uncomfortable his position on the couch looked, Seungmin guessed that he didn’t. He nudged the other’s shoulder again, with a bit more force this time.

Hyunjin stirred and let out a soft groan. That was enough to prompt Seungmin’s lips to form a fond smile and his Seungmin’s heart racing  _ again _ , but he kept his feet glued to to the floor.

“Seungminnie?” Hyunjin slowly raised his from the sofa’s armrest and groggily narrowed his eyes at Seungmin. “You’re back early.”

“You don’t inhale your notes, Hwang Hyunjin. You  _ read _ them,” he playfully scolded with an amused grin, before laughing some more.

“Shit.” Hyunjin shot up from the sofa, looking like a fish out of water. “I fell asleep.”

“You don’t say.”

Hyunjin didn’t laugh as he usually would to Seungmin’s dry remarks, which told Seungmin something was amiss, and instead began to frantically turn the pages of his notebook. “I have a class report this afternoon, I went here to practice!”

Hyunjin wasn’t exactly the most confident person when it came to speaking in front of an audience. If one paid enough attention, one would notice that Hyunjin spoke with a slight lisp, one that made his words seem slurred whenever he spoke too fast. Unfortunately, their dictation teacher from third grade was paying just enough attention to Hyunjin during his turn on a dictation exercise to notice and point out with amusement in front of the whole class that he enunciated his words a little differently from the others. 

The teacher had merely been stating an observation, with no apparent intention to shame Hyunjin, but a low buzz of whispering from their classmates had followed, which made Hyunjin feel conscious of his pronunciation ever since. He was fine with daily, casual conversations, but speaking in front of class was something he needed to rehearse a million times for. Seungmin knew this all too well, for more often than not,  _ he _ was the one whom Hyunjin rehearsed with. 

“Wanna run it by me?” Seungmin found himself offering, while wondering if Hyunjin ever had the need to speak in front of class during the previous semester. “I came here to clean the bathroom-”

“Oh, can I, please?” Hyunjin didn’t even let Seungmin finish before he took Seungmin’s hands and tugged at them. “I’ll clean the bathroom tonight!”

Seungmin shrugged and took the notebook that had been sitting on Hyunjin’s face just a few minutes ago, then shifted his legs so he could sit cross-legged on the floor. It wasn’t like Hyunjin needed to offer to clean the bathroom in return for a bit of help from Seungmin, but Seungmin hated cleaning the bathroom so ihe wasn’t going to pass up on the deal. He looked up at Hyunjin, intending to give him a pointed look to tell him to start, but he found found himself wasting an entire second staring at his lips instead. 

“Wait, is there anything wrong?” Hyunjin asked, worried, as if he wasn’t anxious enough already.

Seungmin quickly shook his head and turned his gaze sharply towards Hyunjin’s handwriting. “No, no. I was just gonna say let’s start.”

“Okay.” Hyunjin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He stood up from the sofa and placed both his hands at either side and stood firmly. He then shifted to transfer some of his weight to his left foot, then  to his right, before letting out an exasperated sigh.

“How should I stand?”

“Won’t there be a podium for you to stand behind?” Seungmin asked, genuinely unsure how large of a class Hyunjin would be speaking to. In his university, at least, there would usually be a podium in large classrooms for whoever would be speaking in front would use. “Anyhow, you’re fine, just relax your shoulders a bit.”

“Right!” Hyunjin groaned and rolled his eyes at himself, it seemed he realized most of his body was going to be obscured anyway. He took yet another deep breath, and started dictating the notes he had written in the notebook Seungmin held open in front of him.

“ _ Mitosish _ -”

_ “Mitosis. Sis.” _ Seungmin sharply cut Hyunjin off to correct him. They didn’t seem to have enough time for Seungmin to gently be correcting him. He knew how sensitive Hyunjin was, but, Seungmin thought it was better for his mistakes to be clearly pointed out to him rather than otherwise.

“ _ Mitosis _ -” Hyunjin repeated carefully after Seungmin, “- _ is a type of cell division a type of cell division that results in two daughter cells each having the same number and kind of chromosomes as the parent nucleus, typical of ordinary tissue growth. _ ”

Hyunjin paused after that, until Seungmin gave him a quick nod of approval. He dictated the rest of his notes more carefully after that, with Seungmin turning the pages of the notebook along with him. It appeared to Seungmin that Hyunjin had rehearsed well enough with regards to pronunciation, but his tone was flat, as if he was reading the material off a prompter for the first time.  

Seungmin discreetly tore a small piece off the margins of one of the pages and crumpled it into a tiny ball, then launched it at Hyunjin. The barely visible ball of paper landed square on his right cheek. Seungmin had had years of practice to get that right and it seemed he hadn’t lost his touch. He usually did this to call Hyunjin’s attention when the latter would make a mistake while he rehearsed. It was a little more playful than directly calling him out, and back in high school, it usually diffused a bit of Hyunjin’s tension.

Hyunjin stopped immediately and whined softly and stamped one foot on the floor. “Oh no, what did I pronounce wrong?” 

Seungmin knit his brows together and shook his head. “You’re pronunciation fine. It’s just... you sound like you’re reading off of someone else’s notes. Like a robot.” 

It was Hyunjin’s turn to knit his brows together, with a hurt look flashing across his features. “Those notes are my own words. I read the entire chapter thrice over for this.”

Seungmin felt a little bad that Hyunjin took his criticism that way, but he fought down the small urge to apologize and take back what he just said. He he had no intention to offend Hyunjin or to discredit him of the huge effort he’d put forth so far for into making this report, but it was also tempting to give in just to ease the frown on Hyunjin’s face. If Seungmin did that, though, Hyunjin wouldn’t know better than to stick to dictating his notes like a robot.

“If you’ve read the material thrice, though, you must know it by heart now. There’s no need to be so nervous,” Seungmin tried to explain in a gentler tone. “Is it a big class?”

Hyunjin nodded slowly. “About a hundred people in there.”

Seungmin sighed then pressed his lips into a thin, but hopefully reassuring smile, realizing what was making Hyunjin extra anxious about the entire thing. “Where do you find yourself paying more attention? In a big class or a small class?”

“A small class…” The frown on Hyunjin’s face briefly deepened.

Seungmin crumpled a bigger torn piece of paper and launched it at Hyunjin again. This time, it hit the impossibly tall bridge of Hyunjin’s nose, which Seungmin briefly wondered would feel like to touch. “In a big class, no one will be paying enough attention to hear you say _ mitosish _ instead of  _ mitosis,  _ so relax a little, will you?”

Hyunjin formed a huge grin with his lips, the hurt look from earlier vanishing without a trace. “Good point,” he said, laughing. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

\---

The library was its usual self that night: quiet and empty, exactly as how Seungmin liked it. Still, though, Seungmin found himself unable to concentrate. He kept thinking about how Hyunjin did  with his biology report and checked his phone for any messages every five minutes or so, but the only notifications he got were about discounts from his favorite food delivery app. The clock on his home screen read 20:48, a little over an hour before the library was due to close. Usually, he would only head home by then, but he decided that tonight, it was pointless to stay when he couldn’t concentrate anyway. He needed to check on Hyunjin.

He later found Hyunjin, seated cross-legged on the sofa with his textbook lying open in front of him. His eyes were only half-open, pointing an empty gaze towards the space in front of him. Seungmin was almost tempted to take a photo of him, but instead he took his shoes off and walked over to the sofa and nudged Hyunjin awake. 

“You okay?” he asked, unable to help but chuckle. The sight of Hyunjin spaced out on the sofa was endearing and hilarious. “How did the report go?”

Hyunjin’s eyes flew wide open, as if he had seen a ghost. “You’re back already?” he asked in disbelief.

“No,” Seungmin replied, laughing, and turned around to head to the dining area to see if there was anything he could have for dinner or if he should click on the notifications on his phone regarding discounts. “The library was horrible tonight,” he gave an unsolicited lie, still trying to hide the fact that he was anxious to hear about how the report went when he had just asked Hyunjin straight out about it.

“Oh. Anyway, the report went well!” Hyunjin exclaimed, smiling widely and almost bouncing in his seat. Seungmin found his cheeks warming up at the sight of it so much that he had to turn away sharply.

Hyunjin seemed to fail to notice Seungmin’s sudden interest towards the dining table and continued in a cheerful tone anyway. “I don’t remember making any mistakes, but you were right, not a lot of people really paid attention anyway. The professor seemed to be satisfied, at least?”

“Ah, that’s good,” Seungmin replied and flashed Hyunjin a brief smile. He felt happy for Hyunjin, and that happiness seemed to wash away some of the warmth in his cheeks. “Congrats, your hard work paid off, no?”

“I guess, in a weird sort of way,” Hyunjin laughed. Seungmin wasn’t sure what exactly was funny, but he found himself smiling at the sight and sound of Hyunjin’s laughter anyway. “Thank you, again, Seungmin.

Seungmin shook his head and shrugged nonchalantly. “No need to thank me. You cleaned the bathroom, right?” he asked as coolly as he could, despite Hyunjin’s show of gratitude starting to warm up his insides.

“Yep!” Hyunjin winked at Seungmin and flashed a thumbs up sign. “As promised.”

Seungmin gave a nod in return, and seated himself on the table. It was only a little past nine, and he thought there was still some time before he’d need to head to bed. He placed his backpack by the foot of the table nearest himself and took out his studying materials, then laid them on the table. He figured he could order some food and eat dinner while he finished going over the notes he took for that day’s macroeconomics lecture. He threw a glance at Hyunjin, who seemed to be have resumed studying as well. He was curled up in the sofa now, with his textbook almost touching his nose.

“I’m ordering dinner,” Seungmin called out softly. “Want anything?”

Hyunjin looked up from his textbook and shook his head. “I had dinner already, so I’m good,” he replied swiftly, before bringing his gaze back to his textbook.

By the time Seungmin’s food arrived, though, Hyunjin was already fast asleep on the couch, his arms wrapped around the open textbook while he snored softly. Seungmin couldn’t help but frown while he chewed on his dinner. He knew Hyunjin was trying to do better this semester, but from what Seungmin had seen so far, he seemed to be struggling with concentrating and staying awake. Seungmin was sure Hyunjin could do that fine on his own as long as he had set his mind to it and the semester had just started, but a little nudge in the right direction couldn’t possibly do any wrong. He took a piece of paper he had used as scratch from calculus class that morning and crumpled it up into a ball, then threw it at Hyunjin. It hit him right at the temple before bouncing off to the floor.

“Hwang Hyunjin!”

It seemed Hyunjin hadn’t been sleeping too deeply yet, for he immediately straightened up in the sofa and looked at Seungmin, wide-eyed.

“Shit, I fell asleep again,” he groaned and threw his head back in exasperation. He then slapped his own cheeks. “Hwang Hyunjin, get a grip!” he scolded himself.

The frown on Seungmin’s face deepened. “Maybe you’re too tired? It could be better to head to bed and just wake up early tomorrow.  Forcing yourself to study when you’re too tired is inefficient-- unless you’re cramming, which you shouldn’t be doing to begin with.”

Hyunjin hung his head. “It’s... the latter. I don’t have much of a choice now, though. Exam’s tomorrow.”

Seungmin sighed and took a bite out of the cheese tonkatsu he had ordered in for dinner. “Then you shouldn’t use the sofa. It’s probably too comfortable for you, that's why you keep falling asleep on it.” 

Before Seungmin could even consider taking back what he said, realizing he might have trouble concentrating with Hyunjin so close, the latter was already seated across himself with his own study materials on his side of the table.

“You made a good point, there,” Hyunjin said, laughing softly as he settled into the chair. “I should have figured it out myself.”

“Well, it might not work,” Seungmin said, as he shoved a piece of meat into his mouth, finding himself in need of turning his gaze elsewhere. It was going to be a long night if his advice turned out to be effective.

\--- 

It was a little past midnight when Hyunjin stretched in his seat and yawned. He had been quiet during the past three hours, seeming like he was deeply immersed into the content he was studying. Seungmin stole a glance at him every so often, but he never caught sight of Hyunjin looking up from his textbook even once. He didn’t even seem to hear Seungmin clean up after eating, even when Seungmin may or may not have intentionally tried to make noise. It was Seungmin who couldn’t seem to concentrate, truthfully. The sight of Hyunjin with his nose up in his book and his eyebrows furrowed slightly was endearing. Occasionally, he stifled a yawn. That was endearing, too.

“Ah, I made so much progress tonight, wow,” Hyunjin declared as he closed his textbook shut. “Thanks for the help, really.” He was leaning forward, grinning at Seungmin widely.

Seungmin frowned a little, trying to push out of his mind the fact that his heart just skipped yet another beat. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You told me it’s better to study on the dining table than on the sofa. I wouldn’t have figured it out myself, honestly,” Hyunjin replied.

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” Seungmin shook his head with a chuckle, and brought his gaze back to the table. It was him who needed to study now. Hyunjin had been more distracting than a parade.

Hyunjin only laughed softly. “You’re getting cranky, I should leave you to yourself now,” he said, then stood up from his seat.

“Heading to bed?” Seungmin knew this was a good thing, maybe he could actually read more than five sentences off of his textbook now, but his heart was sinking a little inside him anyway.

“Yep!” Hyunjin answered, grinning still. “Thanks for being here tonight, Seungminnie, I mean it.”

“I--”

Hyunjin cut him off by rolling his eyes playfully. “Stop it now.” He then paused, with his lips slightly parted, as if he was about to say something but wasn’t sure how to. That made Seungmin nervous. Hyunjin rarely hesitated when he wanted to say something to Seungmin, especially if it wasn’t anything important. That was, unless, their semester apart had wedged a thin wall of unfamiliarity between them, which wouldn’t be all too surprising.

“I just want to say… I’m happy you’re here tonight for more than a few hours, Seungminnnie,” Hyunjin spoke in a gentle tone and a fond smile. “I know you’re busy, though, so I’m not gonna ask you to do this more often.”

Seungmin could only blink at Hyunjin a few times in response for the next second or so. He wasn’t sure if it was what Hyunjin said, or if it was the fond smile that danced upon Hyunjin’s lips that put a stop to the turning of the gears in his head. It took a loud, hearty laugh from Hyunjin to get his brain moving again. 

“What…?”

Hyunjin groaned and pouted, while he playfully stomped one foot on the floor. “Seungminnie…” he whined in frustration.

“I had something else going on in my mind, sorry. What was it again?” Seungmin asked, while Hyunjin’s words echoed in his head anyway.

“Nothing!” Hyunjin barked, laughing and shaking his head before turning around. “I’m heading to bed. Don’t stay up too late, okay?”

\---

Despite pretending he didn’t hear what Hyunjin said, Seungmin started going home earlier during the next few days. The scene he’d arrive at would be of Hyunjin studying at the dining table after dinner, staying faithful to the advice Seungmin had given him. Hyunjin would briefly look up from his studying to flash a thrilled grin that would send Seungmin’s heart racing. All Seungmin would respond with, though, is a small nod, after which he’ll seat himself across Hyunjin. For the next few hours, they’d quietly study together, only occasionally breaking into casual conversation if there was something important one needed to say, such as Hyunjin reminding Seungmin that the electric bill was due within the week, or that they were out of eggs. 

Seungmin had firmly told himself he wouldn’t give in to Hyunjin’s not-request that he spent more time in the apartment, but everytime he settled into the library after classes, he kept thinking about Hyunjin anyway. Mostly, he was worried if Hyunjin was dozing off instead of studying. He wanted to help Hyunjin do well this semester and gain at least a bit of self-confidence in his academic ability he lost. Then, there was what Hyunjin said. Every time they played back in Seungmin’s mind, he would find himself wanting to ball his fists or find a pillow to bury his face into and scream. 

He would hate to admit it, even to himself, but he wanted to hear them again, or at least, see the fond smile Hyunjin had given him that night. That was why, against his better judgment and finding it difficult to concentrate on his studying with Hyunjin around, he gradually spent more time in the apartment. Seungmin found himself occasionally throwing glances at Hyunjin, telling himself it’s to check if his friend was dozing off. He knew, though, that he just wanted to look at Hyunjin again, it was as if he could never get tired of the sight of him.

\---

“I’ve been seeing you less and less here.”

Seungmin looked up from his textbook upon hearing the quiet voice address him, and found Minho, one of the student assistants in the library, seated across him.

“Sunbaenim, how long have you been sitting there?”  Seungmin blinked several times at him in surprise; he didn’t even hear Minho slide into the chair across his and he wasn’t even wearing earbuds at that time. They were in the far corner of the library so there weren’t a lot of people nearby, but Seungmin spoke in a hushed voice, nonetheless.

Seungmin guessed Minho was in his junior year, and he’d been there when Seungmin first started going to the library regularly during the start of the previous semester. He didn’t notice the senior at first, until Minho suddenly came up to him, just as quietly and stealthily as he did now, and told Seungmin there was a newer edition of the book he just took out  of the shelves, and that Seungmin might prefer to use that one instead. Since then, Minho would almost always show up and join him at his table. They’d both just study quietly, but Minho would occasionally bring up random topics to talk about, such as the stray cat who often hung out by the library entrance, or the origins of the universe. Seungmin didn't mind it when Minho would interrupt him while he studied. The senior seemed to know when Seungmin was spacing out and timed starting conversations during those times.

Minho appeared to ignore the question. “Where's--” He paused to draw an imaginary ‘V’ using his thumb and index finger around his chin. “-- what's his name again? That short guy who was always with you? Haven't been seeing him around here.”

Seungmin immediately understood that Minho meant the senior he dated during the previous semester. They did spend a lot of time studying in the library together, Minho often joined them and the two would tease each other in hushed tones that made their jabs at each other twice as funny. Seungmin still bumped into the senior in the hallways every so often, and they'd give each other a small nod or a curt smile. One time, the senior messaged him news of Beenzino leaving the army and they chatted briefly, but the conversation fizzled out within the same day.

“Oh, he's just… around,” Seungmin answered as nonchalantly as possible, unsure of how to describe the brief encounters he'd had with the senior since the start of the fall semester. 

Minho gave a slow nod, the edges of his lips briefly curling downwards. “Things didn't work out between the two of you, huh?”

Seungmin blinked at Minho, unsure how he knew there had been a vague  _ something _ between him and the senior. He decided against asking, though. He didn't want to hear that what they had going on was more obvious than he had wanted it to be. He only shook his head a second later. “No, they didn’t.”

Minho leaned back in his chair and briefly tilted his head to the the side. “Fair enough. You okay with that?”

Seungmin was quick to give a nod. Indeed, he was sad when the senior broke things off with him told him about his forthcoming enlistment, and maybe he did feel down during the next few days, but in retrospect, Seungmin knew it wouldn’t have worked out regardless with his feelings for Hyunjin still being a huge factor in the equation. “It’s fine,” was all he said.

Minho gave him a small smile. “Good to know,” he said with a pleased tone, then went back to reading his notes, which he had laid neatly in front of him. 

Seungmin gave a nod then returned his gaze to his textbook as well. He knew he should be glad that their conversation on the topic had ended sooner than later. He wasn’t exactly fond of talking about what happened between him and the senior, since talking about it made it seem like a much bigger deal than it actually was. His circle of friends in university knew they dated briefly, but Seungmin had so far managed to wave off their questions with a plain,  _ It didn’t work out _ . More often than not, he left the senior’s forthcoming enlistment out of the story, because he knew its only consequence on the outcome was making  it happen sooner. 

A few minutes later, though, he found himself unable to concentrate on studying, with his brief conversation with Minho still playing back in his head. He had never talked with anyone in detail about how he really felt during that time. The only person he would talk to about something that personal was Hyunjin, but there was no way he was going to tell Hyunjin,  _ Oh, there was this guy I liked and dated briefly, but it didn’t work out because my big fat crush on you won’t leave me be. _

Talking about the senior with Minho briefly, and then dropping the topic abruptly, felt like taking off halfway through the lid he had used to shut tightly the box he filed his feelings into. Now his feelings had found an opening to fight their way out through. There was a lot more of them than Seungmin could remember, and they were fighting hard. And then there was Minho, practically a stranger, sitting in front of him. Ideally, Seungmin wouldn’t pour his feelings out for a stranger to gaze at them, but he was, truthfully, the only person Seungmin could confide with at the moment without any consequences, as far as he knew.

Seungmin let out a sigh and stared blankly into space. “Actually, there was someone else, that’s why,” he said in what must have been all of a sudden, for Minho sharply looked up from his notebook with a surprised look on his face.

“Oh? He liked someone else?” Minho asked, setting the notebook aside and once more leaning forward with interest in what Seungmin had to say.

Seungmin weakly shook his head. “No,  _ I _ liked-  _ like _ someone else.”

“So you already liked someone else at that time? Then why did you date--” Minho paused to draw a V around his chin again. “-- him?”

Seungmin pressed his lips tightly together before answering, wondering why he did, indeed. “I liked--” He mirrored Minho in drawing a ‘V’ around his chin to make clear whom he was talking about. “-- him, too, and I thought I was over the other guy but--”

“Then why don’t you date the other guy?”

Seungmin blinked at Minho in surprise, mostly at how nonchalantly the older male had posed the question, as the matter being discussed was as simple as drinking water from one of the many drinking fountains in the university campus when one was thirsty. 

Minho tilted his head, seemingly impatient for an answer.

“It’s… not that simple,” Seungmin finally answered.

Minho raised both eyebrows at Seungmin. “Is he in another relationship?”

Seungmin only shook his head. Minho responded by narrowing his eyes, as if pressing Seungmin for more. It didn’t take a lot for Seungmin to give in. After all, he’d started already.

“He’s a very… affectionate person, towards anyone he’s close with.” As he spoke, he remembered the times in high school when Hyunjin would wrap his arms around Seungmin from behind and rest his chin on his shoulder, a gesture which would send Seungmin’s insides melting into a puddle. The next thing he’d see, though, is Hyunjin doing the exact same thing to their friend standing across. 

“It’s frustrating how he’s incredibly nice and sweet to me and for a second I’ll feel like, ‘hey, maybe there’s something’ and then I’ll find he’ll be exactly like that to the next person. So I don’t know, is there indeed  _ something _ or…? And I hate being so confused about it that I just wish I could just stop liking him altogether.”

Minho only chuckled softly. “You don’t want to just straight up talk to him about it?”

“I... can’t, because I’m pretty sure it isn’t mutual,” Seungmin slowly answered. It felt strange letting words he’d had cooped up in his head for so long slip out for his lips for another human being to hear. “It’s not that I’m scared of being rejected or anything, I already know I will be, but we’re best friends, so things can go pretty badly.”

A small crease formed on Minho’s forehead. It made him look sympathetic, while at the same time amused. “A valid concern. How are you so sure it isn’t mutual, though?”

“He’s dated a few people since we were in high school,” he told Minho without looking at the older male directly. 

Minho raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that all? You dated, too.”

The conversation was making Seungmin entertain the idea that Hyunjin dating other people wasn’t sufficient reason for him to dismiss the possibility that their feelings could be mutual. A large part of him, though, the one battered by the repeated rising and sinking of his hopes during the past few years, the one that bore every instance Hyunjin told him about someone else he liked, told him firmly that it was stupid. 

“I… It’s late, sunbaenim. I need to go.” Seungmin slammed his textbook shut and forced on a curt smile, then stood up from his seat and shoved his belongings into his backpack. “It was nice talking to you.”

\---

On a Monday a couple of weeks later, Seungmin decided that instead of trying yet again to study in the library, he headed straight back to the apartment after classes. He found the library crowded that day, with practically no seats available. He briefly considered going to a cafe instead, but it was nearing the end of the month, and he needed to stretch what was left of the monthly allowance his parents gave him for living expenses.

When he arrived, he expected to find Hyunjin studying at the dining table, but instead, the apartment was empty. It felt strange for Seungmin to have it all to himself, but he wasted no time in taking half of the small dining table for two and set his books and notes upon it. There was a lot of reading he needed to catch up on with midterms on its way. The apartment being quiet and empty helped, thankfully. Soon after he settled into his seat, he found no difficulty in focusing and absorbing the contents of his notes and textbooks.

Hyunjin arrived some two hours after Seungmin started studying. Seungmin didn’t even notice him until the sound of the door closing behind him managed to float above the music from his earphones.

“Oh?” Hyunjin looked surprised to find Seungmin there, unsurprisingly. This was, after all, the first time Seungmin was in the apartment before Hyunjin was.

Seungmin plucked his earbuds off his ears and gave Hyunjin a small smile, then gave him an unsolicited explanation of why he was there even earlier than usual. “Hey. The library’s full, so I’m ditching it altogether today.”

Hyunjin responded with a wide grin and a shake of the head. “Cool. Glad to see you here before dinner.” He then walked over to the dining table, and placed his backpack on the seat across the table from Seungmin.

The way his face broke from a look of surprise into a wide, sincere grin that seemed to tell that Hyunjin was happy to see Seungmin there, made Seungmin’s heart skip a beat again. On the outside, though, Seungmin responded by pretending to direct his gaze back to his textbook and letting out a barely audible scoff. 

Seungmin heard Hyunjin laugh. “Your university’s library must be nice since you prefer to study there than here. Ours is crap.” He heard Hyunjin’s voice grow closer, but he didn’t realize how close until Hyunjin was already leaning in from behind, hands on Seungmin’s upper arms, and his chin resting on top of Seungmin’s left shoulder. He seemed to be taking a quick glimpse of what Seungmin was studying, a bunch of formulae, paragraphs of theories and case studies. Seungmin didn’t mind Hyunjin snooping around his notes. He, too, after all, was curious about what Hyunjin studied as an education major. Seungmin did not see that gesture coming, though.

“Sorcery,” Hyunjin teased before swiftly moving away towards the kitchen, chuckling. 

“Not like your lessons are any simpler,” Seungmin fired back, maintaining a cool tone in his voice that was the complete opposite of how his cheeks were ablaze. He started to feel a bit more relaxed, at least, with Hyunjin now standing on the other side of the apartment, back turned towards him. That wasn’t much distance, truthfully, but it was better than none.

He heard Hyunjin switch on the faucet in the kitchen. Seungmin turned to look at what he was doing, and saw him grabbing an apple from their shared basket of fruits placed on top of the fridge. “Had dinner yet?” 

“No,” Seungmin replied softly and shook his head, then forced his gaze back towards his open textbook. What was he studying again?

“Wanna go out? Do you realize we haven’t celebrated being roommates yet?” From the corner of his eye, Seungmin saw Hyunjin turn around and lean against the sink, to take a bite out of the apple he had just washed. Seungmin then recognized the ratty white hoodie Hyunjin was wearing. 

It was the one Hyunjin bought when they went to the underground shopping center in Jamsil to celebrate the end of the college entrance exams. Seungmin couldn’t help but smile fondly at the memory, and also remember how Hyunjin held his hand while they weaved through the thick crowds of people shopping that day to make sure they didn’t lose each other. Hyunjin had been apologetic at the end of the day. Seungmin hated crowds and it was Hyunjin who insisted they went to the shopping center that day. Little did he know that  Seungmin found the crowds a little less annoying because Hyunjin was holding his hand.

Seungmin felt his cheeks warm up and had to avert his gaze from Hyunjin by playfully rolling his eyes. “It’s nothing to celebrate.” Seungmin wanted to think Hyunjin was teasing, but knowing him, Seungmin knew he was being sincere. Hyunjin would consider this a life milestone worth living up. Hyunjin wouldn’t be exactly wrong to think on that either, and to some extent, Seungmin secretly agreed with him.

“It is! We’re independent now, best friends living on their own, and living well. We haven’t fought as the others said we would.” With that, Hyunjin laughed, the sound of it floating within the walls of their cramped apartment and reminding Seungmin of stars twinkling in the clear night sky.

On the outside, though, Seungmin briefly turned to Hyunjin with a playful frown, fighting down every urge to smile over the thought he just had.

. “Our parents paid for the security deposit. Plus, they’re giving us a monthly allowance to cover for living expenses. That’s not exactly independent.”

Hyunjin groaned in exasperation, but he was laughing again in a split-second or two. “Why are you so hell-bent on bursting my bubble?” He walked up to Seungmin and pulled at the loose fabric of the sleeve of the hoodie Seungmin was wearing. “Come on, I’m just happy you’re here for dinner.”

“Fine,” went Seungmin with a feigned exasperated sigh and slammed his textbook close. He could feel his insides warming up, however. 

“We better not take too long, I have three chapters to read for tonight,” Seungmin managed to continue speaking in a flat tone anyway.

Hyunjin’s face then lit up. “Actually, bring your books. I know you hate study cafes because you think real nerds don’t go to study cafes, but I think there’s one you’ll like. Let’s go there.”

“Calling me nerd got old in middle school, Hyunjin. Stop it.” Seungmin again rolled his eyes and let out a genuine laugh.. “Come up with something better.”

“Your wish is my command,” Hyunjin replied playfully with a small salute. “I’ll surprise you.”

The small salute, and how his heart fluttered wildly at the sight of it told Seungmin his feelings haven’t dwindled in the slightest and they weren’t going anywhere anytime soon. If anything, having spent more time with Hyunjin during the past few weeks only made them stronger. The fireworks show was going at full scale, this time with an amusement park and its entire host of roller coasters and drop towers with it.

\---

“That was. The Worst Idea. Ever.” Seungmin was seething, refusing to look at Hyunjin while they walked briskly back to the apartment from the study cafe Hyunjin had hyped up earlier. 

It turned out to be noisy, and crowded, with the pungent smell of dried up sweat mixed with stale coffee floating about. Other patrons also kept walking hurriedly along the aisles as they placed orders and went back to their seats afterwards. Seungmin kept catching the bustle of the place in the corner of his eye, which quickly vaporized the little concentration and focus he could muster. Even a normal Starbucks branch would have been more conducive to studying.

Hyunjin tried his best to keep in step with Seungmin and apologized with a sheepish smile on his face and the echo of laughter in his voice. “I swear, It wasn’t like that last semester.”

“When it _ first opened _ , yes, of course.” Seungmin rolled his eyes as he shoved his hands down the pockets of his jacket. 

Hyunjin was quiet for a second after that, until he spoke with his voice hushed. “Hey, Seungminnie, I’m sorry.” His sudden apology made Seungmin slow down and turn his gaze away from the road ahead towards Hyunjin’s face. His brows were furrowed and the edges of his lips turned downwards, obviously anxious that  _ he _ was the reason Seungmin was upset. Seungmin knew Hyunjin would take it as his fault.

The thought made Seungmin’s annoyance melt quickly away, and all he could do was let out a sigh. He wasn’t mad at Hyunjin, really, just annoyed that they had wasted three precious hours trying to be productive inside the cursed study cafe, when those three hours could have been better spent at home. “No, no, Hyunjin, no, stop apologizing. You only meant well.”

“How about we just give up tonight and have some fun?” Hyunjin asked, this time his tone had turned hopeful, maybe even laced with bit of mischief, which told Seungmin that Hyunjin had something in mind. It was tempting for Seungmin to say yes. They had done nothing but study together, and maybe Seungmin himself needed to let off some steam. Midterms were fast approaching, however, and he did not want to end up regretting having wasted a single minute playing around. As Hyunjin had pointed out earlier, Seungmin   _ liked _ getting A’s way too much. With plus signs.

Seungmin let out another sigh. “Let’s just go home for tonight, please. I need to finish these three chapters. It’s a Wednesday. Now is not the time to play around. Don’t you have things you need to do, too?”

“You’re the one who said forcing oneself to study when they’re tired is inefficient and I’m tired. You probably are, too. Being angry and judgmental is exhausting work,” Hyunjin teased with a mischievous grin, referring to how Seungmin was consistently glaring at every person who passed by their table and sighing in exasperation at the noise in the cafe. 

Seungmin knew he should be annoyed at Hyunjin’s teasing. It was, after all, partly Hyunjin’s fault that he spent the last three hours being angry and judgmental, but he also knew Hyunjin was right. Seungmin felt exhausted, and he was sure he was only going to be able to read for half an hour before passing out. 

The edges of Seungmin’s own lips fought their way upwards. All he could do was to swiftly turn away in hopes that Hyunjin won’t catch sight of how he’s made Seungmin smile. It was then, though, that Hyunjin gently took his arm from behind and locked it with his own. 

“Do you really need to, by tomorrow morning?” Hyunjin teased, resting his chin on Seungmin’s shoulder. It was almost as if he knew how effective that was in driving Seungmin up the wall. 

Seungmin pressed his lips together tightly while he tried to calm his insides down. The truth was, he didn’t need to. He just wanted to read what was going to be in the lectures ahead of time because that helped him absorb the content better. He had already finished the first of the three chapters, though, and it was going to be unlikely that the professor was going to discuss three chapters in tomorrow’s lecture. He just disliked not hitting the goals he set for his study sessions. He also hated to admit out loud that Hyunjin was right, when he had been so insistent on finishing those three chapters the entire night, so he answered Hyunjin’s question with silence. 

Or was he only thinking that because Hyunjin’s breath was grazing his the back of his ear, as if enticing the gears of his brain to come to a complete stop?

Hyunjin waited an entire two seconds before he let his face break into a huge grin. “You don’t, do you?” He then playfully poked Seungmin’s side and pulled away. “You nerd, you worried me there!”

“You promised me you’ll think of a new nickname, didn’t you?” was all Seungmin could fire back with, trying to divert the conversation from Hyunjin being right.

“That was only a few hours ago!” Hyunjin pulled away, laughing loudly. “You’re too demanding.”

Seungmin only rolled his eyes again and scoffed. “FIne, whatever it is you’re planning, though, we’re only spending two hours in it,” he said firmly. “And you’re paying for everything.”

\---

It was already past midnight when they arrived back in the the apartment. The streets were just as lively as they had been when they left for the study cafe hours earlier, but the air had gotten much colder since then. Hyunjin draped an arm around Seungmin’s shoulders and pressed close as they walked. For once, Seungmin didn’t feel too conscious about the lack of distance between the two of them. He felt exhausted after two hours of non-stop singing and jumping, yet his feet were practically bouncing off the pavement, with the excess energy they built up from their time inside the noraebang booth spilling over. Once they entered the dark and quiet apartment, though, the energy seemed to vanish and he felt exhaustion take over. He kicked his shoes off, not bothering to file them neatly along the wall for once, and plopped on the sofa.

“ _ Now is not the time to play around _ , said the person who bargained with the attendant for two more songs,” Hyunjin spoke in a flat tone and a nasal voice, mimicking Seungmin from just a few hours earlier as he joined the latter on the sofa. “ _ I’m not drinking on a school night _ , he said then ordered for another two bottles.” Just like clockwork, he slouched on the sofa and rested his head on Seungmin’s arm. 

Seungmin shifted slightly in his seat at the sudden lack of distance, but despite how self-conscious he was starting to feel, that was all he could will his exhausted body to do. “Shut up,” he told Hyunjin while looking at wall once again. Seungmin didn’t need to be reminded of how he ended up eating his own words. “I was well within my limit.”

Hyunjin let out a loud laugh. Seungmin felt him move in his seat, which told him it was the kind of laugh where Hyunjin’s entire body laughed with him. That would have been more than enough to warm Seungmin’s cheeks up, but before Seungmin knew it, Hyunjin’s head was in his lap.

“You had fun, right?” Hyunjin asked teasingly once he had settled into his new position, and lightly poked Seungmin’s cheek with his index finger.

Seungmin needed to work harder to keep his gaze on the wall, perhaps Hyunjin wouldn’t see the shade of pink that must have crept up his cheeks. Meanwhile, he only let out a soft hum in response, still refusing to admit fully that Hyunjin was right about playing around that night. 

“Hey!” Hyunjin laughed some more and poked Seungmin’s cheek again. “Look at you, you literally had to be dragged out of the booth.”

Annoyed, Seungmin turned his gaze towards Hyunjin, frowning until he saw the wide amused smile on his best friend’s face. “You’re exaggerating,” he muttered as he found himself unable to turn away again.

“I know you had fun, whether you admit it or not, and I’m getting satisfaction from that.” Hyunjin stuck a tongue out at him. 

“If you know, then why do you keep asking anyway?” Seungmin asked, raising an eyebrow.

Hyunjin laughed some more, making Seungmin wonder what was funny. But then, this was Hyunjin, anything could be funny, and it wasn’t as if Seungmin didn’t like watching and hearing Hyunjin laugh anyway. “Because you’re cute when you try to deny or try to hide how you’re feeling.”

Seungmin wasn’t sure what kind of answer he had been expecting, but that was not it. As a result, he could only stare at Hyunjin for the next few seconds, blinking as the words slowly sank into the back of his head. It wasn’t the first time Hyunjin would call Seungmin cute. The former had been pretty generous with compliments and affection since day one, so while that did give him a fuzzy warm feeling in his stomach, it wasn’t what really rendered him speechless.

Just how well could Hyunjin see through him?

“How do you know when I’m trying to hide something?” Seungmin dared to ask, slowly as he forced on an amused look. He wasn’t just about to give away that his mind was swimming with questions.

Hyunjin, yet again, laughed. “Sometimes, I just know. We haven’t been best friends since we were eight for nothing, come on. One thing, when you smile, I know it’s genuine when your right eye gets slightly smaller than the other.” A proud, crooked smile formed on his lips. “I noticed that tonight for the first time in a long while.”

_ Well, shit.  _ “You noticed that?”

Hyunjin gave Seungmin a nod. “You also do this--” Hyunjin paused to press his lips into a thin, straight line and turned his gaze away, something Seungmin recognized immediately, and knew he’d been doing often during the past few months they’d spent as roommates. He had no idea that Hyunjin had caught on that. “-- when you’re trying to hide how you’re feeling…” He then trailed off and went quiet for a few seconds before continuing, as if he was waiting for Seungmin to say something. 

When Seungmin gave him only silence, though, he continued with a nervous chuckle. “Am I correct? Except when you’re annoyed, though. You’re pretty obvious when you’re annoyed, like tonight, about the study cafe.  _ That was. The worst idea. Ever. _ ” He let out another laugh after imitating the way Seungmin spoke again.

A realization dawned upon Seungmin. They were best friends, first and foremost. Seungmin knew Hyunjin well enough that Seungmin could see through him a lot of times, if not most of the time, and it wasn’t impossible that Hyunjin could do the same. There was, thus, a very real possibility that Hyunjin had known about his feelings all along, or at least had an idea of them.

Or if he was still unaware of them, Hyunjin was going to find out sooner than later, and the fact that they were living together wasn’t going to help. Seungmin could only be able to put up a front for so long.

“You’ve… always been observant,” was all Seungmin said, neither denying or confirming Hyunjin’s observations, which were 100% correct, Seungmin realized.

Hyunjin’s gaze turned briefly towards the string of his ratty white hoodie, which he then busied his hands with. “Anyway, thank you for tonight. Let’s do that again soon, okay?”

Seungmin scoffed softly in response. “Why thank me? You paid for everything, so thanks, I guess. Though that was one night of studying I just lost.”

“Nerd. Admit it, you don’t regret it in the slightest.” Hyunjin, this time, poked Seungmin’s side and sniggered.

“It’s too early to tell.” Seungmin then shifted in his seat. Truthfully, he didn’t want to leave yet. He was probably just as tired as Hyunjin. However, it was almost 1AM. He needed to sleep soon or he’ll have a hard time getting up in the morning for his 9AM class.  “Get up, I’m going to bed now.”

Hyunjin gave him a defiant look for an entire second, before his face broke into yet another grin. “I still feel too tired to move. Five more minutes.”

“Hwang Hyunjin---”

“Please?”

“Fine.”

\---

“Ah, you’re still here!”

A surprised Seungmin looked up from his breakfast of fried rice with scrambled eggs and spam, and watched a surprised Hyunjin climb down the loft. It was early Saturday morning, with Seungmin getting ready to leave to spend the weekend in Gyeonggi on a morning train from Seoul. Usually, he would be already out of the apartment by the time Hyunjin would wake up, but Hyunjin was up a lot earlier than usual that morning.

“Oh, you’re up early,” was all Seungmin could say, blinking in surprise. 

Hyunjin nodded and walked towards the kitchen, heading straight to the coffee maker on the cupboard behind Seungmin. “Mhm, I was hoping to catch you before you leave.” He then moved on to the sink and started washing an apple he took from the top of the fridge.

“Oh? Why?”

Seungmin wasn’t actually too surprised at what Hyunjin said, but he had to pretend so if he didn’t want to make obvious that he had been avoiding Hyunjin for the past two weeks since they had that conversation on the sofa. On the day after that, Seungmin went back to his old routine of leaving for school as soon as he could, and staying out as late as possible. Hyunjin would be getting ready to go to bed by the time he’d arrive. They’d often chat a little but it will be cut short by either Hyunjin passing out or Seungmin excusing himself to wash up or to study a bit more. There would also be times when Hyunjin would be the one out late, in which case Seungmin would be asleep, or pretend to be so, by the time he’d arrived.

It was an exhausting routine, truthfully. There were a lot of instances when Seungmin wanted to go home already but he stood his ground in the library. Deep inside, he knew it was futile to avoid Hyunjin completely, too, because they  _ lived _ together. Hyunjin was bound to catch him sooner or later, and Seungmin knew he’d soon run out of the willpower to avoid Hyunjin as well. Still, though, he tried. He’d also started to talk with his parents about different living arrangements next semester. He planned to tell Hyunjin he would be living elsewhere next semester as soon as he could come up with an excuse Hyunjin wouldn’t be able to question.

After their conversation on the sofa, Seungmin had come to the conclusion that he needed to distance himself from Hyunjin again, to give  _ moving on _ another shot. While distance didn’t work too well the last time he tried, he was sure it was better than not having any distance at all. If anything, his feelings only deepened during the past few months they spent together in the apartment, and they were becoming more difficult to hide. He thought it was all for the better for the sake of their friendship, that none of his feelings would ever need to be brought up between the two of them. He only needed a good excuse to distance himself for as long as he needed in order to make sure Hyunjin wouldn’t feel that he did something wrong or that Seungmin was doing it on purpose, which, he knew, can cause a more serious rift between the two of them.

Hyunjin chuckled, seeming a little embarrassed as he took his seat across Seungmin. “What are you having?”

“Oh, the usual. Sorry, I didn’t make enough for two, I didn’t think you’d be up early,” Seungmin apologized. It wasn’t to divert the topic, he really would have made breakfast for two had he known Hyunjin would be up in time to eat it.

Hyunjin shook his head. “It’s fine,” he answered, then took a bite out of the apple he had brought with him. “You know I’m not really a breakfast person.” 

“Because you barely ever wake up in time for breakfast,” Seungmin answered after a slight pause he needed to brush off a stray thought about Hyunjin looking so handsome even when it was so early in the morning. 

Hyunjin let out an exaggerated sigh in response to that. He then leaned forward, resting his elbows on top of the dining table and getting his face close to Seungmin’s. “Been busy lately?”

Seungmin found himself flustered at the sudden lack of distance that his chopsticks almost slipped out of his hands. “Uh… I had my midterms this week, so…”

“Same,” Hyunjin replied. “I studied like crazy during the past two weeks. I’m not sure if I did well enough, though.”

“You must have, if you studied like crazy,” Seungmin answered, then tried to put food into his mouth. He, after all, had a train to catch. It wasn’t like he was  _ that _ badly needed at home, but he wasn't too keen on staying too long either.

Hyunjin shrugged. “I guess. I missed you, though. There was no one to scold me or throw paper at me whenever I dozed off so the studied like crazy part is pretty questionable,” he said, laughing softly before taking yet another bite.

Seungmin felt immediately annoyed at how Hyunjin was obviously joking but he felt his heart beat faster anyway. “Hwang Hyunjin, don’t tell me you can’t study for your midterms without a babysitter,” he told Hyunjin, raising an eyebrow. 

“I’m just kidding,” Hyunjin laughed some more. “About the paper-throwing and scolding part.” 

Seungmin wasn’t sure what to say to that. He didn’t fail to notice how Hyunjin had to specifically point out which part of what he just said was a joke. He then waved the thought of it off, and scolded himself mentally for overthinking. Hyunjin was just teasing, trying to get Seungmin to laugh along with him. 

“Whatever,” was all Seungmin managed to reply with. He then chuckled nonchalantly and shoved some more food into his mouth.

An awkward chuckle was all Hyunjin gave him, for a while at least. It was only after Seungmin had taken a couple or so bites that Hyunjin broke the silence between them.

Hyunjin cleared his throat, then spoke slowly, with his tone cautious. “Seungminnie, you… you're not mad at me for that night we went to noraebang, right? Because you went back to going home late right after that.”

The question was quick to raise Seungmin's gaze from his food towards Hyunjin, who was leaning forward with his arms folded together and his elbows resting on the table. He looked at Seungmin with the most worried gaze, which made Seungmin feel terrible. He wasn’t entirely surprised at Hyunjin’s question, he knew Hyunjin had a tendency to wonder if he did something wrong over the smallest of changes or gestures. Seungmin suddenly making himself scarce at the apartment indeed would have read as alarming to Hyunjin. The only reason Seungmin kept at it was he knew he had an excuse that wasn’t too far from the truth, which  he thought Hyunjin would accept without question. He didn’t expect it would worry Hyunjin to this extent, though.

“No, no, it was just because of midterms,” Seungmin was quick to answer with a shake of the head. “I told you, I study better at the library.”

Hyunjin leaned back into his chair and gave a small nod, though Seungmin could see his features hadn’t completely relaxed. “Ah… You weren’t upset with me because I forced you to go to noraebang with me?” 

“Hyunjin, it’s not like you pointed a knife at me and threatened to kill me if I didn’t go with you,” Seungmin cracked a small smile in hopes that Hyunjin’s mod would lighten up. “Yes, I was a little annoyed, but as you were too happy to point out afterwards, I had fun.”

To Seungmin’s surprise, that didn’t seem enough to put Hyunjin at ease. He continued to look at Seungmin worriedly.

Seungmin let out an exasperated sigh. “Hwang Hyunjin, you, of all people, would know I secretly love going to noraebang and I wouldn’t get mad at you for taking me there.  _ And _ paying for it.”

“So the reason you’ve been staying out is to study for midterms? Not because you’ve been trying to avoid me?” 

Hyunjin was looking at Seungmin so earnestly that whatever it was he planned to answer with vanished into thin air. In the version of this conversation he had rehearsed in his head, Hyunjin had already smiled and nodded as soon as the word  _ midterms _ floated between them. Hyunjin still looking uncomfortable at this point was unexpected.

Of course, Seungmin didn’t take his best friend for an idiot, that was why he had thought long and hard about the kind of excuse he’d give, and why he had been avoiding Hyunjin in the first place. He knew there was a good chance he’d sense or figure out something was up with Seungmin the more they spent time together. Seungmin was the idiot for not realizing Hyunjin would have figured out something anyway.

“Seungminnie?” 

Seungmin needed to blink a few times more at Hyunjin before he could let out an awkward chuckle. “What other reason could there be?” he asked with feigned amusement. 

The edges of Hyunjin’s lips briefly curled up to form a small, nervous smile, as if he was trying to mirror Seungmin’s amusement, but he also couldn’t hide how uneasy he was feeling. “It’s… It’s not because… maybe… you noticed something...?” 

The question came completely out of the left field. At this point, Seungmin stopped worrying about Hyunjin the one noticing something about him, and started to try figuring out what it was Hyunjin was trying to hide. From the look on his best friend’s face, Seungmin felt that it was something pretty important, but Seungmin couldn’t think of anything Hyunjin could be hiding. He knit his eyebrows together in genuine confusion and put down his chopsticks. “Did you murder someone and hide the body in here?!”

“Goodness, Seungmin!” Hyunjin immediately retorted, but much to Seungmin’s relief, his denial was followed by a loud, hearty laugh. “No!”

“ _ Goodness _ , Hyunjin.” Seungmin let out a soft chuckle. He was sure Hyunjin wasn’t hiding a dead body in their apartment, despite the way Hyunjin looked so worried and guilty telling him so, but it did relieve him to see Hyunjin laugh and lighten up. Still, he had no idea what Hyunjin was trying to imply. “What is that something I might have noticed that would make me want to avoid you, though?”

Hyunjin blinked at him in confusion, which in turn, confused Seungmin further. “You really have no idea…?”

Seungmin didn’t and only shook his head at Hyunjin. “You didn’t sleep on the bed with dirty clothes on, did you? Because I won’t avoid you for doing that. More like, I won’t stop nagging you until you wash and change the sheets and swear upon your most expensive pair of shoes that you won’t do it again.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” Hyunjin laughed some more. “I won’t risk our friendship just like that, Kim Seungmin,” he said with exaggerated solemnity.

Seungmin had to laugh at that as well. “Then what is it, Hwang Hyunjin? You know there’s nothing you have to hide from me, even sleeping on the bed with dirty clothes on. I mean, yeah, you’ll get an earful from me, but I won’t be mad at you.” Seungmin paused to reconsider what he just said. “For too long.”

“Okay.” Hyunjin took a deep breath, let out a long sigh and laughed softly. “I was worried you’d noticed that sometimes-- maybe… a lot of times, I only... pretend to not wake up to my alarm clock and wait for  _ you _ to wake me up.”

Seungmin narrowed his eyes at Hyunjin, unable to comprehend how that would warrant the nervous look on Hyunjin’s face just moments ago. He remembered his mother saying that the most difficult person to wake up was the one pretending to be asleep, so Hyunjin’s revelation wasn’t exactly one at all. “That’s kinda annoying, but that’s it?” Still, he felt something inside him stir. If Hyunjin had only been pretending to be asleep all this time, had  _ he _ ever noticed Seungmin looking at him fondly while he woke him up in the morning?

Hyunjin bit down on his lower lip. “Because I like hearing your voice first thing in the morning.”

Seungmin found himself blinking rapidly, as if the movement of his own eyelids could fan away the heat climbing rapidly up his cheeks. He let out a loud, exaggerated scoff. “What the-”

 

“Also... that time you thought I fell asleep while studying on the couch and you threw something at me-- I wasn’t asleep.” Hyunjin pressed his lips into a thin line before continuing. “I was…” He paused to close his eyes and draw a deep breath. “Honestly, I just… wanted your attention.”

It was Seungmin’s turn to take a deep breath. “There are… other ways to catch my attention,” was all he could say, however.

“And then…” Hyunjin paused yet again, this time to flick his eyes towards the table’s surface, making him look even guiltier than he did earlier. “And the study cafe I took you to, I knew all along that it was pretty terrible... Because I wanted us to do something together other than just study.”

“Now  _ that’s _ annoying,” Seungmin found himself saying despite his heart beating faster. He was starting to have an inkling about what Hyunjin was getting at, but a voice inside him was frantically yelling at him not to get his hopes up.

“Sorry,” Hyunjin apologized, briefly looking up at Seungmin, before he started drumming his fingers along the table’s surface. “I wanted it to be something, like... a  _ date… _ but there was no convincing you to not study for even just a night…”

“Hyunjin…”

Hyunjin didn’t let Seungmin finish, though it wasn’t like Seungmin knew what he should say. “Then after that, you went back to going home late, and I thought you’d put two and two together and figured out… that I’m… doing things… pretending to be asleep and telling lies… things a best friend shouldn’t be doing… because I like you more than a best friend.”

“What?” 

“Even your funny nasal voice is cute to me now,” Hyunjin went on, nodding his head with each sentence he spoke. “The same goes for how fluffy your hair is in the morning. Or how your right eye gets smaller than the other when you smile.” He paused look at Seungmin. “And that dumbfounded look on your face-- Seungminnie?”

Seungmin didn’t know what to say. Hyunjin’s words were taking their time to sink in and seep through the thick wall that lined his mind, that of the narrative he had built up over the years that he was the one who was helplessly in love with Hyunjin, the one who found everything about the other ridiculously attractive, and the one between them who was hiding feelings for his best friend that he deemed should never see the light of day. All Seungmin could do was stare at Hyunjin, repeat his words in his head and wonder if Hyunjin really said those, or Seungmin had merely twisted them into something he never thought he’d hear.

Hyunjin interrupted Seungmin’s thoughts with a loud whine. “Don’t tell me you had something else going on in your head all of a sudden and missed all of that entirely, please?”

Seungmin blinked rapidly again and faintly shook his head. Perhaps it was to let Hyunjin know that no, he didn’t miss any of what he had just said, and nor was he going to pretend to. More likely, though, it was to shake the disbelief that was clogging the gears of his head so he could pull himself together to say something intelligible. “And you… you thought I was avoiding you because I somehow figured this all out?”

This seemed to unsettle Hyunjin yet again. He blinked right back at Seungmin. “There was this girl in high school, remember? Yeji? You guys were really close, but when you figured out she liked you, you started avoiding her like the plague. I was worried--” 

It was Seungmin, this time, who didn’t let Hyunjin finish. “But that was obviously because I didn’t like her more than a friend?” He paused, pressed his lips together, then drew a deep breath. “I liked someone else.”

“You didn’t tell me anything about someone else?” Hyunjin frowned at Seungmin, looking at him as if he had just been betrayed. Seungmin could understand that, he imagined Hyunjin had believed Seungmin had been telling him  _ everything _ all this time. Seungmin supposed, maybe it was time he finally did.

“Because that someone else was… you. And it’s still  _ you _ .”

“What?”

Seungmin balled his hands into fists underneath the dining table. “And you’ve been right all along-- I’ve been avoiding you, but it was because I thought  _ you _ figured  _ that _ out. Or were about to.”

What followed after was complete silence filling the dimly-lit apartment, only broken briefly by Hyunjin’s phone sounding off to announce an incoming KakaoTalk message. That, however, wasn't enough to prompt either them to break the stares they continued to exchange with each other. Seungmin wasn't sure what to say. He still felt too surprised, both at Hyunjin and at himself for finally managing to talk about his own feelings. There was part of him who wanted to apologize as well, for having lied to Hyunjin for so long. At least, though, he knew now that maybe Hyunjin didn't feel so different.

“Why didn't you tell me anything, Seungmin?” Hyunjin broke the silence all of a sudden with a small voice.

The question took Seungmin by surprise, but he didn't find it difficult to come up with an answer. “Maybe for the same reason  _ you _ didn't tell me.”

“Did you think it wasn't mutual and confessing would make things awkward between us… at the very least...?”

“Yes.” A low chuckle followed Seungmin’s answer, after which he covered his face with both hands. It was somehow embarrassing to admit in front of Hyunjin that that had been his reason all along when Hyunjin was just the same.

Hyunjin laughed out loud. “I’m such an idiot.”

“If you say that, then so am I. Maybe that’s why we’re best friends.” Seungmin couldn’t help but start laughing along with Hyunjin. “We complement each other’s stupidity.”

Hyunjin folded his arms on top of the table and rested his chin on the back of his hands, then looked up at Seungmin, grinning. The first thing Seungmin thought of when he saw that was how charming Hyunjin looked, and his reflex to having that kind of thought was turning away and trying to distract himself. He then just remembered, though, that he might have no longer a need to do that, so instead, he grinned back at Hyunjin, feeling the lightest he’d felt in what seemed like forever. He couldn’t remember the last time he could be around his best friend without second-guessing or having the need to mask how he truly felt. And more importantly, Seungmin realized, his best friend no longer had to do the same as well.

All of a sudden, Hyunjin shot up in his chair and looked towards the clock on the wall. “Wait, shouldn't you be rushing back home by now?” he asked, seemingly in panic.

Seungmin looked towards the clock as well, and saw that he had just missed the train he usually took on Saturday mornings. Truthfully, though, he never really needed to go that early, and he knew his parents wouldn’t mind if he didn’t go home early that weekend. Or at all.

“It’s fine.” He turned to Hyunjin and flashed him a small smile. Perhaps, it was about time he told Hyunjin the truth about that, too, and he hoped Hyunjin won’t be too upset, because after that, here would be a lot more things Seungmin wanted to talk to him about and own up to, and a whole lot of questions he would like to ask as well. “Are you… going back home soon, too? Would you need to?”

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at Seungmin, though the grin on his lips remained. “Why are you asking? Planning something?”

Seungmin pressed his lips into a thin line, a little annoyed that Hyunjin had guessed he had something in mind, but then he knew that shouldn’t have come as a surprise. “I was thinking, maybe we could just… stay together here for a while. And talk. For however long we need to sort out this... new information we just both received.”  _ This time with no need for excuses and nothing to hide, _ he wanted to add, but perhaps he didn’t need to say that out loud.

“Sounds like a plan,” Hyunjin answered with a nod of the head and a smile that set off yet another fireworks show inside Seungmin. This time, though, Seungmin could sit back, relax, and enjoy it, and he couldn’t be any happier about that.

\---  _ end _ . ---

**Author's Note:**

> \- I worked on this for a month, then dropped it, and picked it up back again to give it an ending, so I'm a little anxious the ending could seem off and very... unsatisfying. On the other hand, I feel like adding more to it will be dragging it out, so... this is what happened. I hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless!
> 
> \- I [tweet](https://twitter.com/crepebin) sometimes, hehehe.


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